The shape of a mother?

Here's the real deal. I'm sure if you are reading this, you have probably read most of my blogs to date. And if not, you'll get the drift as I go along. One year ago I was planning a wedding. Around this time, we were preparing for a bachelorette party and a wedding shower. Losing weight was honestly the LAST thing on my mind. I didn't want to focus on that, work, school, and wedding planning all at the same time. I had enough stress..I didn't want to add to it. Before I walked down the aisle, I actually lost about 5 pounds on my own without trying. I guess it was nerves or whatever, but my dress fit perfect, I felt I looked perfect, and honestly that's all I cared about. We went on our "honeymoon" to the Mall of America about a week later and I ate what I wanted. The wedding was over, I was recently married, and you know what? I WAS HAPPY. period. We went through till Christmas time, doing what we wanted. At Christmas, I took a hard look at myself. I had gained about 20 pounds in a month. I felt horrible. I didn't like how I looked. I was also having a lot of pain in my abdomen. So I started a weight loss journey. By the middle of February, I was starting to feel better about myself. I had lost the 20 pounds and was actually about 3 pounds under my wedding day weight. I was doing Zumba 3-5 times a week and eating HEALTHY! BUT I also found out I had gallbladder issues and started seeing a doctor regularly. It was decided I was going to get a hidascan and get it taken out..no big deal..I could go on with life and keep losing weight..I only had about 30 pounds more to go, I could do it! BUT BAM! God had other plans. We found out I was pregnant March 6. holy crap. what now? Can't have a hida scan..I tried to keep doing zumba, but couldn't. So I gave in to my pregnancy and let my body do what it needed to. GAIN WEIGHT. I have been posting pictures on here to show my progress..and that was ok. But I looked at myself..and didn't see beautiful. I didn't see what my husband thought was perfect. I saw stretch marks, saggy boobs, dimply thighs. I didn't see what people said was an adorable pregnancy body, a cute baby bump. I FELT HUGE. Simple as that. I am currently 36 weeks and 2 days and I feel like a whale. I can't walk, I waddle. We had my baby shower last month and while my family and friends are FANTASTIC and we got EVERYTHING literally eveything we needed and more, I looked at pics and almost cried. I was huge..I was massive and people told me all the time I looked like I was ready to pop. UGH. not what you want to hear. My WONDERFUL husband told me not to worry, we would go back to the gym and do zumba and lose the baby weight once he or she arrives. I know I will but my body won't be the same. BUT I have learned a few things since being pregnant. It's not about the weight. It's about me. My attitude. My body. My husband loves me and he will love me now, if I don't lose the weight, if I do lose the weight. My parents talk about the stretch marks my mom got and how they are the symbols of their love together. They loved each other so much, they created us and it shows on my moms body. I took that to heart..but I still didn't see beautiful. We finally got around to doing maternity pics last weekend. We had so much fun and afterwards, since my dad took them, we got sneak peeks :) AND I LOVE THEM. ALL OF THEM. they are beautiful. they show a beautiful thing. I am beautiful. I then found this website that goes right along with the mixed feelings I have been having about my body. It's called The Shape of a Mother. It shows the real parts of pregnancy. Not the airbrushed qualities in magazines. It shows the stretch marks, saggy boobs, dimply thighs. It shows me. It shows women. It shows what my parents always say, that yes, you get big and round, yes you get stretch marks, but they are the battle wounds from your love and bringing the most beautiful thing into this world. Before I got pregnant I wanted NOTHING more than to be skinny and to be beautiful, and now my whole theory has changed, if I can be where I was at and nothing more, I will be happy. Why? Because with the loose skin, stretch marks, and dimply thighs, I will be a mother, I will be beautiful. And there is no better sacrifice.